It doesn't matter that the contact was negative - they got you to respond, which was their goal. Not long to some of you poor souls above, but boy what an experience for a 23yr old! He came from a rough back ground and I tried to show him light in life, you know those movies when you see the guy or girl thats a player and is doing all these things and that one person comes along and changes their life and ways because they fall in love? Narcissists, however, in theory, keep everyone with whom they have ever interacted in a web of potential sources of narcissistic supply. I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. Why torture yourself reading her posts and seeing photos of her with this other guy. When we work on overcoming those issues, we then begin to attract healthy partners into our lives , Thank you, KIM and thank you HEALING for the insightful comments. Its often the case that victims trying to recover will need the services of a professional therapist for clinical conditions such as PTSD, depression, childhood issues, etc., and then also work with someone who can help them understand and heal on a different level thats often not addressed in traditional therapy. It takes time..and lots of self reflection. He took on my other three kids from previous marriage. NC is easy now and he isnt harassing me or anything. just to see how later she would emotionally and physically abuse me and turning everything on me. I have an IQ of 150, have never done drugs in my life (not even pot) and do not have any mental disorders. I wish there were more male posters, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and often more dangerous. He may give the appearance of having changed, but those incidents are simply hoovering attempts to hook you back into the []. He left me alone, only sending a text once a month to say hello and miss you. They are a threat to are well being and we have to keep them away from us although we still love them in their brokenness. In order to prove your love to a narcissist, you must surrender all power and control to them and become a real-life marionette, whose only purpose is to enhance the narcissists false image, take care of their every need, and accept their self-serving abuse. He actually told me, She is the total opposite of youshe is sooo nice, laid back, and she adores and worships me! Now, this is from a man who always made fun of me for being TOO nice and TOO laid back! Only, now we both know the truth. Protect yourself and your children but be very wise about it. See if there is a domestic violence center in your area. I hate this "man". Its important to let others know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Anonymous, I find what you said to be quite unfair. Two months later, in May, he wrote a lovely email that he misses me blah blah. Get better at playing his game than he is. Is he really done? For example, he could be a Narcissist and Borderline, too (or vice versa). Defends me! So, he probably has no intentions of moving in with her, it is all a ploy to keep me guessing, right?? [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. Yes, but not for the same reasons the average person misses their ex-lover. I could never please her. Not only were they kind, caring, giving, and compassionate, but they gave you the best sex of your life. Never heard from him again. When I say Im in love with you, I mean All of it to a T. Wow! Ive stopped for the most part questioning why understanding an N is like the Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling. It appears to be a mans number and the location was in his truck route so I know it was one of his trucker friends phone. I dont discuss my opinions about your mental illness with them, nor do I discuss yours and your brothers rampant smear campaign. Just the other days one the ladies that works with me said its nice to get the old you back meaning I am just starting to be my old self again and it feels really good. First, I had the internet shut off in his name and re-opened in my name a month ago; second, he should have shut the cable off when he left but he has left it on. But think i have to be hounest to help other codependend. But don't get me wrong. It killed him that I thought so lowly of him. [Read:6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships]. Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. I say, yes, why? I couldnt handle this so I blew up, he left me the second time over this woman, we divorced that year, he said he had fallen out of love with me because I had become this crazy non trusting woman, and I had hurt him to the poin that something had snapped inside. Anyway, I never got a response from my last text and Im sure exs buddies got on the horn and passed the word that this man was driving my car. In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. I decided to allow him to see our son yesterday because it was his bday. You can only control yourself. He cant dupe me anymore so he leaves me alone and fears me now. It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). He may, for instance, leave out letters or avoid writing out complete words "How r u," for instance . They just dont get it. Its also why they appear so happy with the new supply. However, I must add, the corporation and the hired management know, that I know their dirty laundry. So, its not that they were deceived by her, its just what is now known as corporate psychopathy, can look up, if youre interested. I would also go with Option 1. Its normal if youve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. He has multiple relationships and always has drama. I married an alcoholic whom didnt stay in recovery. Another part of the equation is the fact that, in my experience, every person I work with (and myself included) is or have been highly codependent. I sold my car flat and moved to the area that she lived. . Its just not fair. Hes like you wont fight? I was his hope. The fact that she told me what a nice guy this person is makes me wonder why he has not been used up as well. I didnt want it. -Controlling Reading this site has helped me get a little better handle on my feelings however. Some things cannot be faked. Specifically, Narcs cannot have intimate bonds of friendship. After going through the stages of a breakup, an ex will reconsider their decision- once they don't feel certain about the breakup. The narcissist will attempt to convince you that theyre the best lover youve ever had. Be Safe Youve made a decision now stick to it for your childs sake too!!!!!! I have started talking to our daughter about NPD I need to protect her. Narcissists seem to change the rules on any given day based on how they interact with peopleonly they dont give you all of the information. Im sorry for what you went through. Thank you. Im afraid of being utterly disappointed and having to start back from square one, so I do nothing. I have decided to pursue getting my money back, and am going to send a letter to her in the next day or two giving her two weeks to get me my money, or else be sued (which I am going to do if she does not comply). Its not your job to stay friends with this person on FB so they can cyber-stalk you. He claimed that I shouldnt harden myself and that he was one of the good guys. I can be attracted and everything but iy doesnt matter I have no interest its like something died in me. http://www.stovolando.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Screen-Shot-2013-11-10-at-20.06.04.png. Women narcs can be especially nasty. I do have him blocked. So, Ive done a lot of reading and digging to figure out what my ex common law was. He said no I came to kill you, I was like what? I have lost everything; family, health, pension, processions, heirlooms, the house, car, reputation, love, and trust. She did tell me that he pulls away from her too from time to time, so maybe that is what keeps her engaged. As long as youre responding, thats all that matters. The narcissist isnt concerned about the rejection; in fact, they dont mind it at all. What this last year has done for me is start to see him for he really is and allow my love for him to begin to wither and die. He began down grading me, being very demeaning and almost hateful. Went no contact 4 months ago after almost 11 years with my Narc. Here are nine ways a narcissist treats their exes. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. I guess it just takes a lot of time to heal. Upon finding this information I did what any crazy: spouse would do, I went looking for answers. Did the narcissist ever tell you about exes in their past that they wanted nothing to do with? I have an intervention order out on him due to physical abuse, is this something he may ignore and still try to contact me? Since 2012 my ex hasnt done anything for our kids including being a father. He was emotionally and verbally abuse telling me to shut up, the world would be a better place if I couldnt talk. Another great one! . 23 Narcissist Hoovering Tactics to Watch Out For, The Real Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Why You Cant Go No Contact, 6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure, Narcissists never really break up with you, 12 Ways Narcissists Narcissists Use Social Media, the narcissist would never want to contact you, Idealized and Devalued: Why Narcissists Flip, What a Narcissist Says About Breakups: They Never Let You Go, Narcissist Gaslighting Examples in Romantic Relationships, Trouble in Paradise: Why Narcissists Ruin Vacations, Narcissists and Valentines Day: Romantic Torture, How to Deal with a Narcissist During the Holidays, The Worst Thing You Can Do to a Narcissist, Songs About Narcissism: Your Abuse Recovery Playlist, Ten Things That May Happen in a New Relationship After Narcissistic Abuse, How to Outsmart a Narcissist and Break Their Spell, How Narcissists Ruin Holidays: It's Not Your Imagination, 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Won't Give You Closure, Why Cognitive Dissonance is Trauma to Narcissistic Abuse Survivors, How to Know If a Narcissist is Finished With You, How to Deal with a Narcissist When You Can't Go No Contact. Narcs receive supply from being loving towards them and also arguing with them. Whats stoping her from saying i beat her or abused her? Until then I never knew that such a disorder even existed, let alone the effects on my thought and actions. Its an intern fight where Always negative emotion comes above. I didnt respond; I deleted texts and the number blocker would not let anyone with a blocked number go to voicemail. I have basically gone underground to prevent that. my relative is 11, I watched her growing, very loving family, but she was born with the disorder, no PTSD etc, their basement is an animal graveyard, stealing, verbal sadism, physical sadism towards other children, keeps distance from adults who dont take her pity me stories, manipulates fights between the parents, since at least, 8, etc. Now because i feel humiliated i send three long emails to him. At that point, thats the one thing the narcissist can never take from you againno matter what he or she decides to do after that. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. Why would he contact me if he has a new supply? sure. Thank you so much for writing this. I cant imagine being married to him. He knows what I think of him. I told him there was no need for us to have contact and he said for the kidsxsakes. I would like to share my story in details but Im at work now and just wanted to say that myself too been in a relationship with a Narc for almost 2 years but recently discovered what exactly is wrong with her No contact now for 2 months and started to learn about narcissism and NPD in the past month. You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. We were long distance, and I seen her a grand total of five weekends is all. I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. Thank you for sharing your story, James. He said if he found it, he would put it in my mailbox, which is next to my landladys house. I was so depressed. I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. Thank you Fellow Survivor, that makes a lot of sense. Well, the narcissist will sucker punch you, but theyll do it emotionally. . 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